The Future of Tennis

I recently came across a rather exciting headline while I was perusing People.com on my lunch break at work. Apparently, Roger Federer's girlfriend Mirka is pregnant, and she is due this summer. I was shocked that I hadn’t heard this earlier, and that it wasn’t a more highly publicized news story. I even checked out Roger’s official website to make sure it was true that he and Mirka were expecting. Does anyone else find this as exciting as I do?

Once the story was confirmed, I started thinking how others would react to the news. If this had been public knowledge during the Australian Open, we may have been fortunate enough to get John McEnroe’s take on it during one of his match commentaries. I can hear it now: “Mirka is pregnant? You cannot be serious!” I don’t even want to think how Mary Carillo would react. In fact, I couldn’t even guess what she would say, because when she is commentating I typically put my TV on mute so that I don’t have to listen to her. I knew my former teammate Polly Spot would be devastated at the news, as her adoration for Roger was made apparent by the life size poster she kept of him in our locker room. Personally, I’m happy for them. Roger’s had a rough year, so he deserves this bright spot. Now, if only he could beat Nadal in a Grand Slam final, everything would be right with the world.

Roger and Mirka’s child certainly has a bright future in store. With two professional tennis players for parents (and arguably the greatest player of all time for a father), this kid will be a gifted athlete. Should she (I’m assuming it’s a she, and don’t want to continue this post using solely gender-neutral pronouns) develop an interest in tennis, I can’t think of anyone who might stand in her way to becoming the best player in the world…fifteen years down the line.

Or, can I?

It just so happens that two other famous tennis players (fairly) recently tied the knot and had two kids. That’s right—I’m referring to Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf. Their daughter, Jaz Elle, will be six this year. What if these genetically gifted kids BOTH decided to follow in their parents’ footsteps? Who would win if they played each other? This question has been tickling my brain for a few days now, and I’ve been playing a few scenarios out in my mind.

Here’s what I think would happen. First of all, Jaz Elle (I don’t even know what to say about this name…Jaz? Really?) would be 21 when Ms. Mirka-Federer would be 15. On the women’s circuit, if you’re 21, you’re basically past your prime. I think one of the reasons I feel so old now is because I am so used to hearing that girls just over half my age have already accomplished more in tennis than I ever did in the twelve years I played competitively. For this reason, I’d say Jaz is already at a disadvantage. However, we can consider her a wily veteran. On the other hand, I’m sure any child of Federer’s would have a ridiculous one-hand topspin backhand. I automatically have to give her some points for that shot alone, since it is by far the prettiest stroke in the game.

Bearing this in mind, let’s picture a match between these two players. Say, a showdown in the third round at Wimbledon, on Court #2, the "Graveyard of Champions." (Just wanted to make this a little more dramatic. Also, in this scenario, Roger is playing at the same time on Centre Court, still trying to win his fourteenth Grand Slam. Mirka doesn’t know who to watch. Oh, the decisions…) The young Mirka-Federer quickly takes the first set off of Jaz Elle Agassi (Graf-Agassi? I’m not sure). However, Jaz’s sick return game gets the best of her opponent in the second set, since her dad taught her a thing or two about that. In the third and final set, the two battle it out to a tiebreaker. And who wins, you ask? If I were a betting woman (and I’m not), I think I’m going with Jaz. Steffi was way better at tennis than Mirka ever was, and Andre was able to win all four Grand Slams, something that I doubt Federer will ever do unless Nadal gets seriously injured. Besides, Jaz needs this one more, since her career is practically over, and Federer’s daughter is just getting started. She’ll have plenty of time to win majors in a couple of years.

And yes, it was intentional that I excluded Pete Sampras and Bridgette Wilson’s sons from this analysis. If Mirka and Roger have a boy, he would be so much better than Sampras’s son, hands down. It doesn’t even warrant any commentary.